A powerful image.
Why is there such a stigma around men crying out for help? Listen to my first podcast on this very topic (launched here last night).
From the smallest things like physical pain and medical issues, to the really big stuff like wanting to throw themselves off a bridge because they just can't bear to wake up to another day of "this".
Why? Because there’s a belief system in society that dictates, that men don’t know how to ask for help. And this belief system enables mental health issues and suicide. This belief system is the very thing that is causing issues in men, women, and relationships.
I’ve recently been involved in a debate where a practitioner on Instagram was “blaming” the women for shutting the men down. Encouraging women to get their men to open up. Asking them to drag their men to therapy and forcing them to talk. To not give up on them. Funny enough for centuries women have been trying to lead men to open up emotionally and working on their mental health.
I believe that all people have the ability to ask for help. Men and women. I also believe that we are enabling this belief system that “men don’t ask for help”, feeding the issue further and further. No one is telling men to be quiet, to suppress their emotions, to toughen up, that they’re weak if they do so. And if they are, I find it’s your male hierarchy that’s teaching you that. It is a belief system, thrown up through generations of men. Each and every client that has come to see me, once we investigate what’s stopping them from moving forward, it’s always them. And the belief systems that they can’t ask for help have come from this “tough man” mentality which was inspired by other men.
And I can hear you saying “but women say that to men all the time?” If they have said those things, those women are abusive, narciccist, sociopath women. Yet, it is still your responsibility to leave that relationship. Personal responsibility, instead of victimhood, is something lacking in today’s society. We hand over our mental health to GP’s and Psychologists, who don’t give you any tools, only pills. If you feel like you are a victim, and you are, then it’s your personal responsibility to get out of that place and move forward. The victim mentality will keep you locked into misery for the rest of your life, if you let it.
Is it the men stopping each other? Is it the men stopping themselves? Is the “men don’t like to talk” thing a myth, because clients and followers talk to me all day every day, so much so that most of my sessions run over time because of it. It’s a macho, collective belief system that men are using as a personal excuse to escape their pain.
There are a plentitude of men’s retreats out there now, rights of passage, helping men heal on a deep level. “Menswork” is amazing! But to use the excuse that you had no role models or rights of passage as a man growing up, that your masculine was confused and no one showed you what to do, that you don’t know how to ask for help, that there’s nowhere to go, that there’s nothing you can do...is a load of crap. No woman has this right of passage either. None of us do. We are all shot out of a cannon, into this crazy world, and asked to find our own way without a manual!
So, find your way. Find your purpose and meaning. Ask yourself why you won’t do the work. There’s no excuse.
Are you going to let your past, your ancestors, and society dictate to you how you’ll live your life?
Start a conversation with me here on WhatsApp and we can have a look at what’s blocking you.
🚹 Catherine Lyell
MEN’S HEALTH & P0RN ADDICTION SPECIALIST
#askforhelp #menshealth #mentalhealth #menshealthweek #mentalhealthawareness