Are you having sex with your partner once a month?
Once every 6 months?
Is it connected sex, or accommodating sex?
Is it passionate sex, or lifeless sex?
Is one initiating it more than the other?
Could you change it? Would you change it? Want to change it right now?
Take sex off the table. For a month.
Remove the pressure and stress around the expectations. If it's a constant issue in your relationship, take it out of the equation. If it's a chore or an awkward encounter, remove it from the game board.
Sit down and communicate this exercise with one another and discuss the boundaries, the rules, the timeline, the desired goals and outcomes, ideas of how to engage and connect with one another, the perceived hurdles, and discuss an agreed forum to speak up about what’s happening for each of you once a week for the four weeks. Keep a journal, either on paper or on your phone, of how you’re feeling each day about your partner and the exercise. Decide on the best way to openly discuss these journal entries.
Take sex off the table, however….inject INTIMACY into your relationship for that month. Go on dates, pinch his bum, hold her hand, run your hands all over his body, give her a massage, and KISS!! I have a very strong theory that when you stop kissing in the relationship, you may as well start packing your bags, because the passion is gone and the sensuality is dead. Kissing is the gateway to the soul. The gateway to all the passion and sensuality. And I'm not talking about a peck on the lips either. You need to get in there and pash each other's faces off! The kiss is where the energy travels from one body to another, where you’re energy interlocks with another persons. Look at your belief systems around kissing. Do you believe that only teenagers pash for hours on the couch? Do you dislike kissing? Is your partner lacking as a “good kisser”? Discuss these things openly, and show them what you like. Take it in turns to kiss one another, one being the receiver and one being the giver.
Having a child, insecurities, self worth issues, body image, lack of energy, lack of communication...all barriers for women that cause issues in a relationship when it comes to sex. It often becomes a "reward system" or a tool of manipulation. But when do you stop making excuses and start taking action to repair the connection? When do you stop conditioning yourself to not want sex because you're sick of the rejection and humiliation? When did it become ok that you're just living together as housemates, raising children and sleeping in the same bed? We have a belief in society that says sex in a relationship is a bonus, a "nice to have", but not something you can expect all the time. The men are initiating and the women are refusing. It's time to fix it. It's a total mess out there!!!
Your sexual energy (or Kundalini, Chi, Life Force energy) is the very core of who you are. Without that core, we would be asexual beings. When we balance and unblock Kundalini, we heal all areas of your life. So when you ignore the very core of who you are, what makes you awaken sexually, sensually and hormonally, you kill off a part of you that makes you a man (or a woman). When you don't explore your sexuality or heal through intimacy, a part of you dies inside. And when you face rejection from the very person you love, on a daily basis, you cant even imagine the damage its doing. Or maybe you can...because you are living this reality and the shame around wanting sex in your relationship is making you sick in the stomach.
Men heal through sex, intimacy and touch. Not through the heart like women do. Each person has a positive pole and a negative pole. On a woman, the positive pole is the heart, and the negative pole is the genitals. So you can't heal a woman through her groin, you have to go via her heart first. Whether it's a fight you had with her yesterday or trauma associated with childhood abuse. And for a man its the opposite. You can't heal a man through his heart first...he heals through his groin. So when a man tries to touch you and make love to you, it's because he needs you, he needs to connect with the feminine. He needs to heal. When men cheat or stray from a relationship, it's generally because they're needing to heal on some level. They need to connect to the feminine. They just do.
When we ignore, condition or constantly process rejection of our sexual selves, depression, anxiety and stress show up in our lives. You think you're ignoring it, you think you're conditioning yourself successfully, you think you're dealing with the rejection and anxiety...but you're not. Because it goes against human nature and it will surface in your life somehow. Headaches, stress, pain, anxiety, depression...as you throw yourself into your work and try and pretend you don't have sexual requirements. What if you knew you were worth more and valued sexuality in a relationship...would you stand up and ask for what you require? What you deserve?
Why do you love sex? Why do you not love sex? What scares you about sex and intimacy? What was then but isn’t now? What is your perception of your partners blockages? How could things be better? How do we reconnect?
We’re going to look at these things, plus a tonne of other stuff. All whilst teaching you how to open the lines of communication, work on the energetic blockages, discover yourselves and each other, clear a new path for yourselves and connect on a deeper level.
Let’s get started. Get in touch now to begin your journey back to self, reconnection and intimacy. This is a 5 week program for couples called “How the fuck did we end up here?!”
Men’s Health & Porn Addiction Specialist
Integrated Men’s Health Solutions