There are two poles on the body, a positive pole and a negative pole. One pole is located at the groin/genitals, the other pole is located at the heart. For men, the positive pole is the groin and the negative pole is the heart. For women, it is the opposite. The positive pole is the heart and the negative pole is the groin/genitals.

So, what does this mean? It means that men heal through the groin first, through intimacy, sex and touch. Then they will talk and open up their heart space and heal at that level. Women are the opposite, they need to heal through the heart first and, then they’ll open up sexually. So generally, you can't approach a woman and expect healing through her genitals or sex, you have to go via her heart first, by talking things through, listening, even doing things around the house. Whether it's a fight you had with her yesterday or trauma associated with childhood abuse, you must go via her heart space first.

Now when I say the groin, it’s not just your penis. It’s your testicles, your prostate, your buttocks, the sacral chakra, the groin, the perineum…the whole area. Men need intimacy first, to release all their stuff and to feel connected to and wanted by the feminine, and then they can open their heart space. So, when a man tries to touch his partner and initiate sex, it's because he needs her, he needs to connect with the feminine, he needs to heal.

The amount of times I had clients totally spilling their guts (emotionally) AFTER their massage when I first opened my clinic, was endless. Before the session would begin, they would give me very brief answers to my questions and tick the necessary boxes. But afterwards…that was a completely different story! When men stray from a relationship, it's highly likely because they're needing to heal on some level. They need to connect to the feminine. They just do. That’s why men also physically move on from relationships so quickly after it has ended. It’s because they’re trying to heal (with the exception of sex addicts, who have a sexual imbalance and are trying to fill a void).

I had a young client come to see me who was devastated and suicidal because he’d split up with his partner, had slept with another woman whilst they were on a break, and then had reconciled with his partner and told her about being with this other woman. The guilt was too much for him to handle, it was eating him alive. 

The partner couldn’t let it go (even though they weren’t together at the time) and would throw it in his face all the time during arguments. She couldn’t forgive him. So I explained to him what was happening and how men heal and asked him some questions about this “other woman”. What qualities did she possess? Why was he drawn to her? What was the contrast between his partner and this other woman? And the answers he gave described the type of healing, nurturing, loving feminine qualities that his partner was not exhibiting (she’d been quite aggressive and shut down). He was looking to heal and had no idea.


Your sexual energy was there at birth. It is the very core of who you are. We are all born this way, as sexual beings, with desires and connection to sexuality, our bodies and other people’s bodies. Without that core, we would be asexual beings. When we balance and unblock Kundalini in my sessions, we inadvertently heal all areas of your life, and this is because we’re working with your sacral chakra and life force energy. The sacral chakra (just below your belly button) governs your sexual desires and sexuality yes, but it’s also responsible for creativity and motivation. It’s where your orgasm comes from. So, when you ignore the very core of who you are, what makes you awaken sexually and sensually, you kill off a part of you that makes you a man. When you don't explore your sexuality or heal through intimacy, a part of you lays dormant and wounded. And when you face rejection from the very person you love, on a daily basis, you can’t even imagine the damage it’s doing. Or maybe you can...because you might be living this reality right now and the shame around wanting sex in your relationship is making you sick to the stomach.  

When we ignore, condition or constantly process rejection of our sexual selves, a whole lot of other stuff will show up in our lives - depression, anxiety and stress. You think you're successfully ignoring it, you think you're conditioning yourself to not want it, you think you're dealing with the rejection, stress and anxiety...but you're not. Because it goes against human nature and it will surface in your life somehow. Headaches, stress, pain, anxiety, depression, lack of motivation and creativity, low energy, frustration and lack of you throw yourself into your work and try and pretend you don't have sexual requirements.

What if you knew you were worth more and valued sexuality in a relationship...would you stand up and ask for what you require? What you deserve? Or is there so much taboo and shame around your desires that you just can’t find your voice? This is why I do what I do. Because there’s an epidemic of under-sexed men in our society and a whole lot of women shutting down sexually…which equates to a big fat mess.  

For more information on how men heal and the epidemic we are facing with porn addiction, get your free copy of my eBook I offer consultations, various hands-on treatments (Kinesiology, Integrated Massage Therapy, Kundalini Awakening, Intuitive Healing), video strategy sessions, and a 30 day online program


Catherine Lyell

Men’s Health & Porn Addiction Specialist

Integrated Men’s Health Solutions

+61 401541571