I’ve spent the last few days with an amazing guy who came to see me from Sydney. His porn addiction was ruining his life and he’d known it was a major problem since he was 14 years old. At 27 he couldn’t see a light at the end of the tunnel and was traumatised by his own actions, constantly. The guilt, the burning desire, the compulsion, all eating away at his inner fire to succeed and connect to life. His biggest fear was that he'd never conquer the addiction, and that he would have permanent brain damage from doing it for so long. When I told him I help men overcome 30 year porn addictions, he was both shocked and relieved.
He reached out on messenger in August after giving up for 5 weeks on his own "It's a vicious cycle. I'd be bored and be on Facebook, then see something, so then I'd watch porn, which would make me depressed and more bored, and then i'd just sink deeper than what I was before. Even when I don't watch porn, I'm trying to remember stuff from the past, anything to get the job done."
His addiction started when he was very young, and although he’s only 27 now, it has destroyed so many aspects of his life, including his sexuality and ability to connect with women. "One day I'll meet an awesome girl and I don't want to be thinking of other girls when we're together. I never wanna fall back into what I've come out of. I'm basically scared of women because i've got no idea how to act or talk to them, and everything I know is from watching porn and it's all wrong. It's not a nice situation I've got myself into.
His journey is powerful. The pain very real. The triggers and compulsion such a daily struggle. The guilt overwhelming when he tries to give up and then gives in to the addiction once more. His brain so rewired that he just can't stop the need for a fix. "I don't want to masturbate ever again as I don't want to risk watching it again. The triggers are huge and something would switch in my brain and I would lose control. I think it is still there but I'm just being careful to avoid triggering it."
He lasted 7 weeks and then contacted me again in September with this desperate message: "I'm sorry to lob this all on you but I'm really struggling. I lasted 7 weeks then I had to travel for work. Because I was working away and my daily routines were broken, all that hard work unraveled. Honestly I don't know what to do. I can't handle feeling like this."
I suggested he do my 30 Day Porn Addiction Program, as I wasn't able to help him without some structure and actions put in place. Having conversations about it is great, and it's such an amazing start...being aware and reaching out for help is the hardest step, but there needs to be a more concrete action plan and education is part of that. "I think the hardest part about asking for help is you're actually being the most honest with yourself as to how bad the problem is. It's dragging me down so low. But it's been part of my life for so long now that I don't know what it's like not to be addicted to porn. Please help me. It's holding me back in every part of my life."
And so James completed my 30 day online program in September. "I'm so excited to know what it feels like not to be owned by porn." In week 4 he contacted me with his progress report, and although he'd had one relapse, he'd totally blitzed the program. "I was talking to mum on the phone yesterday and I told her it's been a good week but I didn't know why, like a huge weight had been lifted off. After I hung up I thought about it and knew why. I'm not out of the woods just yet and my sex drive has massively dropped, but I'm starting to really understand it all."
On the 7th November he contacted me asking me if he could book in to see me in person. He was 3 weeks completely porn free, and consciously self pleasuring with no guilt. "Just the difference in the last few weeks has been awesome. My confidence and energy have both gone up." When you book in to something, when you stand up and commit, when you agree to work through your stuff, your subconscious starts the work immediately. Anything that is out of alignment with what you booked in for will start to surface to be processed. You will start to do the work, even though your "booking" could be months away.
A few weeks later I contacted him to see how he was going. His answer was "not good". He went out one night and got drunk, and then had a moment of "fuck it, once won't kill me" and he watched porn and then kept watching it all week. The conversation went on for days, and I'm sure James didn't want to hear anything I was telling him and asking him. It was in that conversation that he was dealt some serious home truths from me and he was forced to face the disassociation he had with his own behaviour. All I did was repeat back to him what he was saying to me and asking him questions around it. I could feel the panic and desperation, as he was engulfed in pure guilt and overwhelm. This was rock bottom.
"I get scared to go to bed because then my mind races and I try so hard not to think about watching porn and concentrate on just going to sleep, then that's all I can think about. Then all of a sudden my heart will starting beating fast and that's the moment when I lose all control and I'll rationalise an excuse in my brain. Sometimes I can fight it for like 10 mins or so but when that feeling hits me, no matter how hard I try, its wins over! And then all I have to look forward to is the guilt and it's almost as if that James is another person that doesn't exist."
James then stepped up and had two video coaching sessions with me (a week apart) that were incredibly powerful, allowing him to work on the myriad of issues that were circling him like sharks every time he tried to give up. This guy was amazing at stepping into this new space of self worth, and he did all the work required of him. He opened up 100% and I witnessed his whole life come rushing at him at once, but he now had tools and strategies in place to deflect or process each hurdle.
He flew down to Melbourne on Friday for two treatments, and I’m completely confident in saying that he will never be the same. It’s been an amazing journey for both of us, as I’ve been able to witness his growth (and pain) over 5 months and have held his hand all the way. As an observer, it has been incredible to watch, and as a Practitioner it has been a gift that I can pass on to others.
My Integrated Massage Therapy is designed to awaken Kundalini, which in turn connects the client to an incredible life force of sexuality, energy, passion and connectivity. It is responsible for my clients giving up porn immediately, after 20-30 year porn addictions. It is a truly powerful treatment.
Here’s what James had to say after his first treatment: "Seriously you don't understand how much I want this.. to be porn free! I wish I had of gotten help a long time ago but then I also think it wouldn't have had the same effect as what it's having on me now. I read your article on the reaction on social media...some crazy stats in there! It’s hard for me to understand that there are people that still don't see it as such a big problem. I'm very grateful to have come in contact with you and I know there would be a lot of people that feel the same!”
And then in session two, James let his guard down completely and the healing that took place was off the charts. His Kundalini awakened and his whole body shook, his mind and spirit let go and stepped into a whole new realm of awareness. He was greeted with the dark side of his soul and the disassociation with that dark side was intense, so I reconnected all 12 parts of his being (as 10 of them were disconnected!) His body then calmed and started to move in rythym with the Kundalini energy and he was on a whole new level of the game by this stage. His energy picked up and he was buzzing in harmony. And even today, when he spoke to me on messenger, his body started to move from the energy.
“OMG Im still twitchin and carrying on haha. Deadset thanks for everything. There was some bad shit hiding in the corner of that room, I’ve never been able to see something so clearly hey wow! Hopefully I havent f*cked up your room for the next fella lol. I cant stop grinnin! My life will never be the same! I told my mate everything and it was awesome. Anddd him and his mate do a podcast about young men who have lost their passion for life and need a purpose and they wanna get me on it! Like WTF? Anyway thanks again so much.”
I can’t tell you how much this guy’s life is changing right in front of me. And I feel so blessed and privileged to be able to facilitate that for him. But it has not been all in vain...he has agreed to capture his journey on video with me so we can share his story with the world.
If you need to start this journey for yourself, if you know it’s time to reclaim your sexuality, if this outcome has your name on it....get in touch. PM me or text 0401541571.
Make sure you grab your free copy of my ebook here: 👉http://pornaddictionimhs.gr8.com
Catherine Lyell
Men’s Health & Porn Addiction Specialist
Integrated Men’s Health Solutions
+61 401541571